Mom, Would You Please Read This To Daddy

Dear father,

I know you are a shy man. I realize you have never looked a camera in the eye. Remember the time you yelled at the school girl for mocking your V.W. Bug with a hay bale in the back seat? I would never bring that up in public. But, you weren't too shy then. And Daddy, do you really think that pillow hides the fact that you are prancing around in your tightie whities with those lilly white legs? Come on, that's not too shy.

So would you please do the hand bone for my internet friends? They won't look. We will all look away and just listen. Please, just think about it.



Love,
Shannon

Since We're Talking About Vacations

Two times we went on vacations. Once, to a wax museum and once, to Lincoln's Birthplace. Mom, where was that?

Daddy isn't much of a travelor. He comes to visit me about twice a year. The whole time he's here he... 1.) eats toast and
2.) paces. He's just more comfortable in his native land.

These are the thoughts I think run through Daddy's mind concerning leaving Kentucky to visit me...
"What if a Publishers Clearinghouse entry comes in the mail?"
"Who will answer the phone?"
"What if we get a water leak?"
"Who will be here to count how many times the furnace comes on in an hour?"
"Who will vaccuum the green carpet?"

This was the year, my awesome Dad bit the bullet in 1980 and drove his girls to the Wax Museum. And to a hotel. Pure heaven. I still remember jumping into the hotel pool. I was wearing a pink leopard print bathing suit that we had purchased at Sears Outlet. Loved that swimsuit. Don't really remember the wax museum. I do remember the gift shop. It's ALWAYS about the shopping with me.

Another memory I have from that trip was the diner we stopped at on the way. Our table had one of those individual style jukeboxes. For a nickel, you could pick your song. Feeling generous, Daddy gave me some change, I picked... "Eye of the Tiger".

Rising up, straight to the top... took my time, took my chances. Went the distance now I'm back on my feet, just a man and his will to survive

Yeah, every word. I was a skinny, scrawny, over-protected little girl. I knew every song in our church hymnal as well as EYE OF THE TIGER. I think Mom and Dad were surprised about that.

See Daddy. Why'd you make me ride that school bus all those years? Two hours a day for 12 years. I learned a lot of stuff on that bus. Including the lyrics to Eye of the Tiger and every single Deaf Leopard song on Belinda's cassette tape.

Daddy

Daddy Story # 1.

My Dad is shy. Very shy. Mom (and I think my sister and I do it too) over protects Daddy by answering for him and helping him to avoid situations where he might have to speak.

I remember one time we took our silver Monte Carlo through the drive thru at Dairy Queen. It was a faded silver that looked a lot more like primer than silver-with a loud muffler to match. Not cool for me in all my raging adolescence. Daddy was driving. Mom is never allowed to drive if Daddy is in the car. For one, she drives like a bat out of hell. Just kidding. I think it’s because she might actually drive over 35 mph. Daddy rarely drives over 35 mph. Once he got stopped by the police because he was driving so slowly. They said he looked suspicous. He said, "If driving slow is wrong, than I don't wanna be right". Or something like that. You don’t know how many times I’d get my bad self to high school (via bus #39) and somebody cooler than me would say- “man, we got stuck behind your Dad on the way to school today!”

Anyway, since Daddy was driving he had to do the ordering. Daddy, with his thick southern accent said, “We’ll take a Dilley Bar, Dipped Cone, and a Mister Misty”. At that moment he knew he had just put together the strangest set of words known to man. He paused, and then roared with laughter. With this, we knew it was ok, so we laughed too.

Next week: Daddy Story #2- radio preachers, cold water in my face, and twista beads. Don't miss it!